A Man’s POV: Pink Lipstick

The numbers are in: the most viewed post on my blog is not about fashion, beauty, or a recipe that keeps you in your skinny jeans, but a story I wrote about my husband’s questionable shopping habits. So, I figured I’d turn it over to him for this next post.

Hi, I’m Nick. You may know me from such blogisodes as Shit My Husband Buysand “Husband Who Is Still Learning How to Use a Camera and That’s Why Julia’s Feet Are Cut Off and There’s a Dumpster in the Background.” When Julia approached me about writing a guest post, I was happy. When Julia told me it was about pink lipstick, I experienced fear. I like to think that I could be a successful internet writer/unsuccessful novelist so I hesitated to consent to having my columnistic debut coincide with the revelation that I care about makeup. However, I support my wife and I’m not afraid of exposing this side of me as long as it means I get 51% of the movie voting rights on Friday. 

The Dark Knight was released that Friday. 

Here goes! 

Like I said two sentences ago, I support my wife. Now that she spends hours a day living in the blogosphere (is this the right term? It doesn’t feel like a real word but I’m sure it is), two things have happened: 
1. I can watch Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead without harassment while Julia’s eagerly Pinteresting away at the other end of the apartment and; 
2. With all of the magazines, photo shoots, bloggy-type Google Chrome tabs left open on my laptop, I have accidentally absorbed a shocking amount of fashion, style, beauty, and (non-zombie related) pop culture knowledge.

The effects of these are: 
1. Julia doesn’t have to watch these shows because she hates “medieval stuff,” and; 
2. I occasionally have brilliant beauty ideas (for HER) and enough accidental knowledge to spot fashion trends six months out. 

For example, last year I noticed that purple was trending before it was a trend. 

This year, it’s lipstick. 

But not just any lipstick. If you’re like me and have to pick up enough fashion mag(azine)s from the foot of the bed, you know that bold, bright lips are all the rage right now. Julia was so focused on boots and stuff that I began to fear she was going to miss this major shift in trends. So, in order to save her from some kind of ugly beauty blog faux pas, and to earn major marriage points, I went out on a twig of a limb and expressed an opinion: Pink lipstick is cool. 

Then Julia asked so many questions. “Look, I’m right about this; trust me” didn’t count for much because I have exactly zero street-style cred. How about, “Well, it’s f---ing HOT”? Can that be a reason? Also, regardless of the fact that it is totally in, pink lipstick is edgy enough to give her a fun new look without much effort. It’s like the time she got bangs. I knew it wasn’t going to be her 100% new forever look BUT it was an exciting change for a couple months (“Hey, new wife!”). Besides, lip color was my idea so I was bearing all of the risk if she walked outside and babies cried and dogs howled. 

All I knew was that bright, Jessica Rabbit/Chastain red was last season’s color (but still a good, conservative one) so with winter and the Oscars behind us, we hustled over to the mall to find the perfect shade of pink to match the playful colors of sunny weather and spring fashion (I swear I’m writing this by myself and I’m more scared than ever but it’s too far to turn back don’t judge I’m sweating and super nauseous). 

This wasn’t easy. Since I was controlling this adventure (and since you’ve already read about my shopping style), I was hoping that we would have been in and out of Sephora in 15 minutes. Not happening. I guess part of the problem was that I couldn’t even articulate what the shade of pink in my vision looked like. “Umm, it’s kind of a Katy Perry, neon post-it note, bubblegum color that I hope Nicki Minaj wouldn’t wear but probably does.” The look on the Sephora girl’s face made me feel awfully ridiculous for not being better prepared but there was a twinkle in her eyes that said, “This is going to take forever but it’s cute that you’re here.” Presumably, I was already supposed to know which shade of pink lipstick is the best. What a fantastic and absurd question. Isn’t “pink” enough? In my childhood box of crayons there was at most one pink crayon and it was always in perfect condition because no one ever used it because it was pale and shitty and not good for coloring at all. I could see my big idea was quickly becoming a regret. 

It actually took a thousand (three) trips to the mall to find the exact type of pink I’d been envisioning, since apparently you can only try on 40 (or so) lipsticks until your lips turn permanently pink and you can no longer tell fuschia from magenta or Red Velvet Sprinkles (shopping fuel). 

Too light.

Too dark.

Too goopy.

Getting closer.

Getting bored.

YSL Rouge Pur Couture #27 Fuchsia Innocent
Just right!

Moral of the story: As a guy, shopping is like diving for treasure; if you think you can do it in one dive and hold your breath (literally—the smell of Sephora gives me a headache) then you’re gonna die. My best advice is to choose your battles wisely, be prepared, and be patient. Then recover by watching the new season of Arrested Development (and all the old ones) and forget everything you’ve learned. Try again next year. Repeat. (Because she’s worth it).

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  1. This blog post MADE MY DAY. Nick, you are an amazing writer...what a hidden gem! I laughed out loud a few times while reading. Please, please, please do more fashion/beauty guest blogs in the future!

    Oh, and if you have any single, cute friends that are as funny as you, please send them my way. #justkiddingbutnotreally

    1. Stacey,
      Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I'm glad at least one person liked it. I'm also glad Julia seemed to have fun with it. Maybe she can be my Mrs. Potato Head and I can dress and accessorize her at least once a week and then you and the rest of the Google crew can guess when that happens (won't be difficult). It'll be our little game. Then we can all blog about it.

      "As" funny? Ha! Well, now that they know that women's fashion is an untapped goldmine of jokes and satire, I guess it's only a matter of time until I'm simply average funny. I'll keep you posted on their progress.

  2. Replies
    1. That one is great but it wasn't part of this infamous journey. You made my life easy by giving me/Julia another great winner.

  3. This is great. Julia already knew she had future fashion duty for my daughter, but I may need to recruit uncle Nick as well

    1. Uncle Nick. I like the sound of that. Congrats!

  4. ah don't worry my husband has been infected with blogging too and will suggest which lipstick might be best with my look...
    he also has a vast knowledge of skirt/pant shapes - mini, maxi, midi, puffball, pencil, paperbag, etc.
    you are not alone...

    p.s. let me know if the wife makes you some of my banana icecream - I believe it's on the above-mentioned Pinterest board ;)

    1. I'm glad I'm not alone! "Paperbag" made me laugh out loud in the middle of a quiet office and I embarrassed myself.

      Yes! Julia won't stop talking about this ice cream. I'll be the first to report the results once she makes it.

  5. I agree with his choices in lipstick. The last one was on point! You two are adorable!

    1. B. Animal,
      I guess I know my stuff. I appreciate your approval. It gives me the confidence to pursue other makeup product trials on Julia's face.

      Hope to see you around the hood again!

      P.S. run fast through that intersection

  6. This is too cute. My husband is thoroughly enjoying any posts to do with Nick. Keep it up!

    xx Cara

    1. Cara,
      Thanks for sharing with your husband. While the female audience is important, I need the comfort of knowing that at least one other guy read this.

      oo Nick

  7. This is absolutely hilarious! You two are adorable.

    Brooke du jour

    1. Thanks so much, Brooke! I love your blog.
      Julia (and Nick, too)

  8. Julia...I absolutely love this! What a supportive and fashionably "knowledgeable" husband you have!

    Also, wonderful meeting you last night! Can't wait for our collaboration next week.


    1. Thanks, Alex! I like how you put knowledgeable in quotes :)

      It was so great to finally meet you in person! Very excited to collaborate! xo

  9. Wow! Nick! Your writing is incredible! I am so impressed with this knowledge but I know my boyfriend feels the same way after dating me and helping me with my blog. He has pointed out designer purses other girls have and it is hilarious when he says "I shouldn't know that" lol. Congrats on finding the rite shade of pink lipstick and don't worry, u r not the only one who would rather not spend hours at Sephora.

    Julia: This one is a keeper! lol. It was great meeting you yesterday and I look forward to following and reading your blog. The salad recipe looks yummy and so easy to make!

    Enjoy your weekend and keep up your amazing blog!


    1. Brandy, it was so great to meet you! That's so sweet that your boyfriend helps you with your blog. It sounds like he has learned some very chic (and valuable) lessons from you. Nick is happy to know he is not alone!

      I am loving your blog. Like I said on Twitter, fashion and cupcakes, what more could a girl want?! I'm so excited to follow along. xo

  10. What a fabulous post! Loved this :)

    1. Thanks, Sofia! That means so much coming from a beauty vlogger, so I'll be sure to pass that onto my husband :)

  11. Julia & Nick - this is one of the BEST blog posts I have read in a long time. You two must keep this up. It is humorous, adorable & unique - exactly what the blog world needs.

    1. Thank you so much, Kristie! That means so much coming from a beauty blogger like you! I adore Blushing Basics! xo